Since yesterday i’m on vacation: at home. I’ve been too unsettled to decide on any destination for a trip. May i find some quiet in my own four walls!
So yesterday was the first day of my summer holidays – and almost the first thing i did in the morning was going to bed again, putting my pillow over my face and sleeping for another one or two hours. All because some kind of vacation stress had hit me.
As i told you several times my job isn’t very demanding. It’s a job i’m not trained for. It doesn’t hardly need any trainig. My business trips may lead me to the next post office and also all my other tasks, including the delegated responsibilities like having an eye on money and the kids, or staff, closing the doors at night and making some phone calls could manage any housewife. So the only really stressful aspects of this employment are that it’s time consuming and leaves that vague idea of missing my real life, missing somthing i’m more likely supposed to do.
I guess that’s an illness caused by the flood of possibilities our generation has, some kind of faked freedom. The result is that i’m somehow stressed out now that my vacation started, analyzing that one million possibilities i have to do in my days off and in my life instead of simply putting my feet up, those feet that day by day do their job ten hours long mostly for somebody else, for little money, instead of holding my smiling holiday face into the sun like our father’s generation still did. Yet, these aren’t times i wish to come back...
Today then an article was posted on one of my frequently red blogs. It deals with my issue. It’s about focusing on one thing. Here’s the video published along with it.
James Hamblin/The Atlantic
It’s funny because while reading that post (actually while i was randomly web surfing) i had in mind:
- Doing the dishes (or rather procrastinating doing them)
- Cutting back the greens on the balcony
- Pondering if those little animals in the planter are useful or should better go – how?
- Taking photos of (quite unnecessary) things
- Considering to revise this weblog
- Sending an email to a friend who asked for help with a translation
- Thinking about getting a better human (e.g. visiting my parents more often)
- (Thinking of) planning a daytrip for tomorrow (– not to my parent’s house)
- Giving attention to my husband’s thoughts on life
- Thinking about our future and the things we have (to think) to do
It’s exactly this! It’s exactly this that yesterday made me go to bed again right after getting up.
PS —I was surprised (or i actually wasn’t after observing the recent trend) that the last word the guy in the video is saying is ”buddhism”. I’m no buddhist and far from missionizing. Like most of us i’m a child of the mentioned flood of possibilities and not so much into religion of any kind. But, as you may have recognized, many of my interests trace back to Zen, a branch of buddhism. The idea seems to be a welcome retreat from our reality that has become difficult to focus. If it only was so easy.